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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Hellooooo—Is Anybody Listening by Janet Callaway | The Natural Networker

Social Media Marketing and network marketing are both about “engaging” with other people be it face-to-face or online.

Yet far too frequently there is no engagement; only words—spoken, tweeted or posted. Think about this.

How often have you been involved in a conversation and felt the other person was not listening to you? Pretty frustrating, isn't it? There they were, looking at you, nodding yet they “heard” only the words you said; they did not “listen” to understand what you said.

Too often people are so busy thinking of how they are going to respond to the first part of the sentence, they don't listen to the second part which changes the meaning of what you were saying. Or, something you said reminded them of a great story and they were anxiously waiting for you to finish talking so they could jump in with their story.

No wonder there is so much miscommunication! Good listening is key in effective communication. We need to listen to the person speaking and understand what they are saying or trying to say rather than just waiting for it to be our turn to speak. We need to focus on the other person, put them in the spotlight and leave them there. Don't try to match story for story or engage in the game of one upsmanship.

Think of being a good listener like being a detective. According to Webster's Dictionary:
A detective is someone engaged in finding information that is not easily accessible or available to the public.

What does that mean we should do to be a good or effective listener? We need to do what a detective does. We need to:

  1. Ask questions
  2. Look for clues; research
  3. Clarify our understanding
  4. Organize the the facts in the correct order
  5. Confirm our impressions with the other person

Let's face it, when we know someone to be a good listener, we are attracted to that person. We want to be around them because we feel that they “hear” us, they understand us and give us their attention. They put us in the spotlight.

In order to improve your listening skills so that you can improve your relationships—both personal and business—a “must read” book is Listening for Success by Steve Shapiro. When you read it, you will understand why it is one of the most recommended books on listening.

What do you do when you are talking yet feel no one is listening?

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  1. Love this Janet! Social media is clearly too often a 'Me, Me, Me' medium. I think it was Chris Brogan who once said the ratio should be 12 to 1. 12 mentions for everyone else to every 1 mention of you. Once I heard that statement, I completely changed how I went about networking, and everything changed for the better.

    Thanks again,


  2. There is that old saying...god gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason :-)

  3. Amazing how, in time, we come to understand & appreciate the "why" behind such sayings. Mahalo for stopping by, Dino.

  4. Marcus, aloha. Thx for stopping by and for sharing the ratio that Chris uses. Makes sense; I can certainly see how it works effectively for all involved. Aloha. Janet