The Confidence Game by Chris Brogan

Confidence is an integral part of success whether it be actual confidence or perceive confidence. In this article Chris Brogan discusses both types, their importance and gives you suggestions for what to do if you are lacking in confidence. As always, Chris is specific and gives you easy-to-follow advice.  

Janet

One way you can guarantee yourself success in life is by improving your confidence and your appearance of confidence.

Note that I've separated out the two, and I'm sure you know this, but let's talk about it. There's a big difference between being confident and appearing confident. In the first case, you might be fairly confident, but are choosing not to display it for some other reason. Maybe you're being deferential to someone else's opinion. Maybe you feel it's fair to be more democratic, so you don't want to appear overly confident. Here's the thing: people react positively to confidence. Even small boosts in your outward appearance of confidence will change how people perceive you.

IT'S EASY TO START PRACTICING

The smaller things are where you can start practicing. Here's one: when someone asks you where you want to go for lunch, what's your first reaction? If you're like many people, you throw the decision back at the person, asking what they want to eat. Try doing this simple thing: answer with the first food choice you think of, immediately and without hesitation. "I was thinking of having shrimp scampi today."

If people ask for your opinion, practice giving it without disclaimer, or with the fewest possible disclaimers.

If you are asked to participate on something and you don't want to do it, practice saying the following: "Thank you for asking me. It sounds really interesting, and I hope that you are successful with your project. I'm not able to work with you on it at this time." If they persist, restate. "Thanks for that. No, I'm afraid, I've got a lot on my plate and am not going to be able to help. Thanks again." See if your universe changes.

WORKING UP TO BIGGER CONFIDENCE MATTERS

Once you get good at the little stuff (and by the way, you could practice those for months before you feel like it's the first response out of your mouth), you can start practicing your bigger confidence moves. Want to learn how to talk with strangers?

Sign up to attend a local event. Not sure what? Check out out Meetup.com. Remember, you don't really even have to care what the topic is (though it'd help if you knew just a hair about it). Go to the event, and when you get in, look for a wallflower or nervous person. Walk over (careful not to block their possible escape routes, which is how people spook out shy people everywhere), and when it's appropriate to talk, start with, "I've never come to this event before. What should I expect?"

Pow. You're talking to someone you don't know. They can just lob into whatever they're going to say. When they eventually pause, say, "Oh, by the way, my name is Janet ," and hold out your hand (depending on the culture). Pow squared. You've just done it.

Practice this a ton.

YOUR THOUGHTS