The
Four Agreements is
an easy-to-read book packed with wisdom. Don Miguel Ruiz says: “You
need a very strong will in order to adopt the Four Agreements—but
if you can begin to live your life with these agreements, the
transformation in your life will be amazing. You will see the drama
of hell disappear right before your very eyes. Instead of living in a
dream of hell, you will be creating a new dream—your personal dream
of heaven.”
The
First Agreement: Be
Impeccable with Your Word. Let's
look at how Ruiz defines this word: “Impeccability means 'without
sin' . . . A sin is anything you do which goes against yourself. . .
When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions,
but you do not judge or blame yourself.”
This
means that we do not use our word against ourselves in guilt, shame
or saying negative things about ourselves. It follows that we do not
use our word to blame, criticize, gossip or judge others. Let's stop
all this useless yet harmful talk against ourselves and others.
Think
what a difference it would make if you said only words of edification
about yourself or others. Think what that would do to changing the
“wiring” in your brain.
Now
let's take impeccable to our commitments. That agreement is the one
you have with yourself--always. Whenever you say you will do
something, either to yourself or to another person, you have made an
agreement with yourself to do a specific action. Your brain hears
what you are saying, whether you truly meant it or not, and registers
it as a commitment. If you don't follow through, you will start to
distrust yourself and, eventually, will lose faith in your ability to
produce a result.
Before
you agree to do something, especially if you know you're either not
going to do it or are not likely to do it, think a bit about the
momentary discomfort of saying what you mean vs. the long term
psychological damage of consistently eroding belief in your self.
Your self-esteem and the trust of others matters far too much to be
carelessly tossed aside.
The
Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally. As
Don Ruiz says: “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is
because of themselves.” When you “get it” this is truly a
freeing statement. Think about an interaction with a person who has
had a great day, how are they likely to treat you? Pretty well, I
should think. Now think about that same person having a miserable
day, how are they going to treat you? Probably not so well. You are
the same person in each situation. How they treated you is strictly
because of how they were feeling and had nothing to do with you. Quit
feeling hurt, upset or mad because of what others do or not do or say
or not say. It is not about YOU, it is about them.
The
Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions. Most of us have
a tendency to make assumptions and then we believe
those assumptions to be true. We then act on those
assumptions, take it personally and create a huge drama over
something that never even existed—all because we made assumptions.
Rather than make assumptions, ask questions; keep communication
clear. Ask rather than assume.
The
Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best. This Fourth
Agreement is about the first three, about bringing them alive. Don
Ruiz says: “Under any circumstances, always do your best, no more
and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the
same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing
all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other
times it will not be as good.”
In
Japan there is a philosophy of kaizen
which means continual improvement. Incorporate these
Four Agreements into your life using the kaizen
approach of small and consistent steps. Your life will
be transformed.
Because
I know many of you have read this book, I welcome your comments and
insights.
